Collection Catastrophe

So you’ve had your credit card stolen, and the company decides to hold you liable. They turn over the debt to a collection agency and wait for you to crumble under the torrent of calls. Sounds like a winning business plan, right?

Wrong.

Me: Hello
Debitas: Can I speak to Mr X
Me: (singing) He’s, In the jungle
Debitas: Eh…?
Me: The mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight
Debitas: Hello?
Me: In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight
Debitas: Is that Mr X?
Me: (silence)
Debitas: (after a couple of mins) Mr X?
Me: (loud as can be) a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh
Debitas: (hangs up)

Some more favorites:

Say hello to my little friend
Christmas turkey
Kinda busy
My son
Time warp
Victory!
Time to collect

A great new way to submit stories to Reddit and Digg

I’ve just added submission links for each story that appear on Bookmach.com, so now it’s a snap to submit massive amounts of stories about Obama (or anything else.)

In addition to Digg and Reddit I’ve included Slashdot and Delicious… I’ll take requests for any other popular sites as well.

The links are immediately above the credit line of each story. Just click on the icon resembling your favorite site and watch the karma roll in!

Preserve Your Night Vision

Ever get up in the middle of the night for a glass of water or to use the restroom? Of course you have. And the most frustrating thing about it is the return trip after you’ve turned off the lights and you are stumbling back into bed. Stubbing a toe or tripping over the dog isn’t the best way to get back to sleep.

It needn’t be this way, however. This is a trick I’ve been using for the past couple of years to keep my night vision for the return to dreamland, and it is ridiculously easy.

Before you switch on any lights close one of your eyes. Perform your task with the one eye shut the whole time, and when done turn off the lights, and open your eye.

There will be a moment of disorientation as your brain decides which of the eyes can see better, which is of course the one which has not been exposed to the light. You can then move pantherlike through the darkness using the “good” eye to navigate your way back to bed.

Sweet dreams!